i’m not perfect.

It’s 9:25 on a Monday night. The air is finally getting thicker, and warmer, and I just strung my hammock out across the porch to curl up in it and write.

Sometimes getting these blogs out of me is a struggle because I feel inadequate to say much of anything. I’m just a girl trying to do something I think God asked me to do. I’m prone to wander, incapable, and ill-equipped. I’m not perfect.

I remember a specific instance in the Dominican Republic. The electricity was out and I was curled up in my little bedroom at my host family’s house journaling. I was wrestling with God about applying for the World Race.

“But I’m so weak,” I said. “How will you use me?” 

And softly, I heard.

“That’s not your job. Your job is to be obedient.”

I’m reminded so much recently that being strong, being perfect, being equipped isn’t our job. Our job is simply to obey the One who is. This season of preparation for the World Race has blessed the socks off of me. Am I equipped enough to go on this journey through my own doing? Absolutely not. Just last week a dear friend invited me over for dinner. I figured she’d be cooking me the dinner, sure, but I didn’t figure she would send me home with my arms full of treasures. She had decided to give me all of the gear she used on the Race two years ago. And she gave abundantly. Her generosity almost brought me to tears. I know that on my own I am ill-equipped. But then something like this happens, and I’m reminded that God is equipping me. 

Am I strong enough to produce $16,000 out of nowhere? No. But I don’t have to be.

While I was packing for a trip to Savannah three weeks ago I thought about bringing my laptop. I couldn’t imagine taking four whole days off from doing fundraising tasks! But I knew I was walking a thin line. I was starting to think that this is all up to me. I finally convinced myself that the world would continue turning if I didn’t check my email for four days and I left my laptop behind. It genuinely took a lot for me to do that, but I knew I needed to loosen my grip.

Every single morning of that trip I woke up to a new person, mostly people I haven’t talked with in ages, saying they heard about my story and felt compelled to support me. Generously. Almost every day of the trip something like that happened. I was completely amazed. It’s overwhelmingly humbling to receive gifts you know you did nothing to earn. I chose to stop doing and God chose to show me He is the One who is always doing things on my behalf. On my own, I am weak. But I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. 

I know that obeying God is difficult. We do feel inadequate, and it’s because we are. But God knows no surprises. We can’t catch Him off guard. He already knows the names of our weaknesses, yet he calls broken people to be obedient. He turns dirt into beauty. This process is teaching me to fix my eyes on His strength, not mine. Because I’m not perfect. 

But I know Jesus was. And Jesus is. And on that truth, I rest all of my confidence. 

I’m happy to share with you all today that through God’s perfect provision, I have met my first fundraising goal of $3,500! You know what that means? I’M GOING TO TRAINING CAMP PEOPLE!!!  And only $12,770 left to go! Thanks to every single one of you who has stepped into this story with me. You mean the entire world to me.

If you feel compelled to support me and be a part of this story too, you can click the “Support Me” button at the top of this blog! And, if you just feel like listening to some good music….check out the song below by David Wimbish. (It’s totally on my fave list.) 

“all that I can see, is You can’t see the dirt in me.”